The Teachings Of The Popes, Then And Now

"SEND MONEY"

"SEND MONEY"

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Roman Polanski Just Glad People Aren't Talking About Him

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Pope Benedict To Send Free Hat, "Get Well Soon" Card To Rape Victims

His Holiness Pope Benedict Something has changed his stance on priests raping parishioners. "This should no longer be tolerated, as I used to do before people paid attention to me. From now on, anyone raped, sodomized, touched, fondled, fiddled, diddled, or just plain creeped out by a Catholic priest is automatically entitled to a "Get Well Soon" card signed by me. In addition, they will also get a fancy red hat personally blessed by Christ's representative on Earth (me!). One size fits all, sorry no returns. P.S. Really sorry you were raped."

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Marketing's One Million Dollar Challenge

Make this guy seem likable or at least remotely human.
Pope Offers Apology, Not Penalty, for Sex Abuse Scandal - NYTimes.com







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Musings...

I guess you can only stomp a joke to death for so long, and then you start to feel hollow and empty inside. It's like when you thought burning that Vietnamese village would be *fun*, but afterwards you just feel icky.

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New Study: Video Game Characters Too Distracted To Kill Anyone.

A recent survey of video game characters that by and large, most of them are too preoccupied by slowly undulating female breasts to really want to kill anyone or anything.
Confessed Solid "Old" Snake recently, "Yes, it is true. Haven't killed anyone in years. Fact is, I can't stop looking at that video of Rosemary's breasts going up and down, up and down, up and down...fuck me, have you seen it? I've never heard a word she says, honestly. Why do you think I ran out of gun oil? It wasn't for maintenance. My gun barrel has been scraped raw for chrissakes. Anyone got a light?"

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Tea Party Nation Releases "Black Presidential Assassination" For Xbox360.

The so-called Tea Party protesters released the first Tea Party Movement action-adventure video game today, "Dead Black Presidents". According to a press release, the game is designed to introduce the entire mind-set of the Tea Party Movement to the uninitiated by promoting "American values, Liberty, Freedom, and shooting any president who isn't white."
Initially, the player begins in his virtual home with his family, watching repeats of America's Funniest Home Videos, and suddenly a team of IRS agents breaks down the door and lays down teargas, confiscates all of your belongings simply because you neglected to pay income tax for 20 years, and then have their way with your teen daughters while forcing your wife to make sandwiches and serve coffee. This really puts a damper on the evening--especially since they take the TV with them when they leave.
The first 'chapter' ends when you successfully parachute out of a C4-laden Cessna just before it collides into a federal building, giving those bureaucrats what they no doubt deserve for showing up to work that day.
Along the way, paper money is replaced with gold bars, giant wheels of cheese and bars of sea salt, abortion is still legal but all of the doctors have been shot, and vaccines are replaced with herbal remedies which include rhinoceros horn and tiger penises.
Without giving too much away, to win the player needs to successfully install himself in the White House and reverse every constitutional amendment since 1859--needless to say, many abortion clinics are bombed along the way.
It is also reported that a Wii-Fit version of the game is due out for Christmas 2011. "The Revolution cannot be fat," commented one protester.

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People Acting Like Complete Idiots In The Snow For Some Damn Reason

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THESE ARE WORDS AND LETTERS

THIS IS A POST





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We Must Attach A Camera To Tiger Woods' Cock, America.

Our Great Nation is in a crisis: We do not know enough about Tiger Woods' cock. Where has it been? What has it done? Why did it do what it did? And just as importantly: How?

Until America has the answers to these questions, we cannot rest, we cannot relax, we cannot regurgitate, we cannot perform any other activities which begin with the letter 'r'.

Imagine if we had simply ignored Watergate? Nixon would never have been re-elected. Therefore we must struggle on, turning over evey dark stone and revealing the horrid putridness beneath it to the cleansing light above. And the best way to do this is to put a camera on the cock.

(Preferably a streaming web cam, so the entire world can see exactly where a black man's cock is at all times. No, that's not gay at all, it's perfectly reasonable and it's justice. How will our white women be safe from black cocks otherwise?)


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Thank You, National Public Radio

Yes, thank you for hosting a discussion of this important issue: A golf player's cock. And even better, a FAMOUS golf player's cock. And what the cock had to say about his cock. And then you asked for money because this is the only place we can get news like this.



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News Alert! Someone Takes Picture Of Bono

A man needs a friend like a fish needs a bicycle. Stick that in your ass and light it, Bono.



In other newsworthy news, Bono is insulted on the Internet.
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SCIENCE: Is There A Future For Manned Prostitution?

First Known Photo Of Robot Molesation


There is no case, I repeat no case, for spending valuable U.S. taxpayer dollars on manned prostitution. Every year, the amount of data we can gather through unmanned visits increases as the costs decrease; in the meantime, the risks of manned expeditions increase exponentially, even as costs rise. Risk estimates are frequently misleading, and followed by years of costly overruns due to unexpected expenses. If you think it's amusing to be named in a paternity suit or be told that you have an 'exotic' variant of Gonorrhea, I can assure--as can millions of other Americans--that it is neither amusing nor inexpensive. Laugh if you will, but remember this: We are putting the lives of Americans in danger--is that, sir, a laughing matter? I submit to you that it is not. And when unmanned emissions are becoming more and more practical and economical, we must put all due effort into furthering this effort. And that's the way it is, America.



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Milking True: Jenny Sanford Tells Her Story (Again) (And Again) (And Again And Again And Again And Again...)

Milking True: Or Sucking This Bit In The Spotlight For All The Cash And Power I Can Grab With My Aging Gnarled Claws
That's right, in my book (now for sale at Barnes & Noble for a mere $29.99 and worth every penny I can assure you), I tell you my inspiring tale of how I went from victim (married to a wealthy and powerful man on whose policies I exercised great influence, as well as running his political campaigns) to victory, because apparently a lot of women are sanguine enough to actually believe that. And the reason I'm telling this lurid toilet-paper-stuck-to-your-shoe-trash is certainly not not for my benefit, but for all of the Good Christian Family Loving Conservative White Women Out There Who Are Certain There Husband Is Banging A Hot Latina News Anchor. (This book is not for Hot Latina News Anchors. Got that? Okay, remember that.) This book is for them, so that they will know that someday that if their husband commits adultery, they too might be able to write a book about it and get a microphone shoved in their respective fat faces.

You see, I had no idea my husband was some sort of freaky weirdo who would at some point have a mid-life crisis and start putting his cock inside of some South American harlot! I seriously thought that all he wanted was to have a family, worship God, and make life miserable for unemployed people by denying them benefits. I thought that was the good, kind thoughtful man I married--a freak I could control, not some freak who would get freaky like James Brown.

And I was so hurt and ashamed by this wound that I realized I had to write a book about it, and then go in public and talk about it, and then talk about it again when I run for governor or senator or maybe just get a local FM talk show like maybe in the state capital if nothing else comes up.




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Supply Of Black Baby Orphans Rather Low At This Point

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Angry Cinema!

HARRISON FORD TELLS PEOPLE TO PLEASE ERASE THE WHITE BOARD BEFORE THEY EXIT FROM THE PROPER EXIT IF THEY MUST INSIST ON USING HIS LABORATORY!
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Word Rape: “Classic”

Technorati Tags: Cinema Hollywood

I really dislike that word, for various reasons. (such as) Here's my review of "Mildred Pierce": I wish my brain were like a hard drive, so I could delete all memory of this movie from it and why I was watching it in the first place. Of course, the problem is you might end watching it *again*. (I think I just infringed on about 20 dozen copyrights there....) (And it's called anterograde amnesia, look it up (I am not a crook etc.))
Apparently it plays into every woman's fantasy of having a psychopathic daughter and a great restaurant.
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Haitian Woman Glad She's Not A Stressed-Out American Mother.

"Look at this Sandra Tsing Loh," she remarked, as holding up a copy of Mother On Fire.  "She must balance a very difficult career of having a family, an absentee husband, and bitching about how hard it is to have a family and an absentee husband while touring in her one-woman show and having to make new commentaries for National Public Radio all the time.  Can you imagine how hard that must be?"  When informed that Ms. Loh was now divorced and living apart from her family, this woman breathed a sigh of relief.  "Thank goodness, I was very concerned about her happiness.  Or was it that I could see my life in her words?" she mused aloud, as her 10 children made a stew of the book while sitting in a pile of rubble that had buried numerous other family members.  "I can but wonder....oh, the book it is in the stew now with the  twine and the melon rind....." { background-color:blue; }

Funny People Not So Funny

Funny People - alt.horror

Any movie that has Seth Rogen running in slow motion is innately superior to any movie that does not have chubby Seth Rogen running in slow motion. And nothing you say or do will change that implacable reality of which you refuse to acknowledge (to your own detriment, "you" are the cause of "your" suffering, as the Buddha made clear fucking *years* ago, like what year was that like 1956 or something? Only facing reality without the ego can lead to inner salvation and maybe outer salvation as well but if outer salvation does not involve exchanging body fluids I'm not really interested.)


Observe & Report that, bitches.

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OPINION

MEN SUCK AND PEOPLE SUCK

by Jane Austen


Hey, why the fuck do people fucking suck so much? Seriously, dude, this is giving the most serious deal of botheration.  Like this stupid mother fucker asking why people don't write long hand-written letters with a goose quill--what does this asshole think? That I enjoyed all of those long, lonely nights pouring my frustrated hopes and dreams into girlie books about meeting my dream man? I would have given my right tit for a Nintendo64--much less a PS3.  Of course we had no electricity so all I could have done would be to light a candle and write a novel about how I wish I had a 220 volt alternating current outlet so that I could play Donkey Kong.  Okay, it's getting dark now, and I really have to start a new chapter--it's about how this aging over-the-hill 30-year-old-matron finds love in a British country manor.  And if I don't have consumption by the end of  the year, it will have been a very good year after all. { background-color:blue; }